Looking for Balance in 2018

This is NOT a resolutions post ;). I seem to have done a few of those over the years, and find that nothing much has changed from what I wanted in the last couple of years. I've made some progress and there's still quite a way to go. But there's something about a new year that spurs one to make SOME change, so here goes.

Facebook let me know this morning that my friends have liked my post 68,000 times. Definitely a "feel-good" piece of info :).

But in fact, 2017 was a year when I consciously moved away from social media, especially FB. It was in my effort to find a balance between sharing my thoughts and wondering if it was validation-seeking. I think though, that I ended up too much in the other direction and hardly ever posted at all. It was especially around the new year when I saw a timeline filled with posts from people I know.. and it set me thinking afresh.. why don't I post anything much nowadays? Whether on social media or on the blog, I seem to have a block of sorts.

I know it started with posting less pictures of the kids online due to safety concerns.. and then considering very carefully every one of the memories before putting them down on the blog.. wondering if I'm invading their privacy in some way by doing it.. and just over-thinking in general. I have always been more of a literal/narrative writer rather than a creative one, and I was losing my main writing material :).

Patterns and perspectives.. nobody sees it just like you do

I went over some of my old posts and had to marvel at the person/writer I was then, that I could just put out my thoughts and memories so easily, and had to wonder what has changed since then. I think all bloggers start off writing with a level of ease, because at that point it's not about who might be reading and how the readers might react, but just about sharing. As social media entered the picture, I was thrilled to be able to broadcast my writing, but it also brought with it the worry of what folks might think or how they might react. I know that I have hardly ever written on controversial subjects, and this worry might sound slightly irrational, (as most of my friends have been nothing much encouraging!), but we just seem to live in a world where the simplest statements could start arguments or need proof. It left me feeling like if I posted anything at all, I needed to make sure I had the energy to stand up for it ;).

Balance and peace in other parts of life would be good too :)

I have tried my best to use social media in a controlled way, especially in the last 2-3 years, but it has definitely been a tussle about how much to share. Reading all the discussions and articles about how sanitised or airbrushed a view of our lives we put up on FB only set me thinking some more :P. But then I recognised that each person's attitude or relationship with social media is a personal thing, it's not something you can figure out from reading about other's experiences. If I'm feeling low*, seeing happy posts usually brings a smile and makes me hopeful. At other times, I'm just glad to be able to know what people are up to, without needing to actually "stay in touch" :). So in 2018, I hope to reconfigure my sharing and find that elusive balance. Starting with more blog posts ;).. so wish me luck.

*If I'm really in a super-low or black mood, I usually stay away from social media altogether.

Social Media Strategies for Children

Is Social Media bad for you?

This question has been going around in my head for quite a while now, and of course there are many articles that discuss social media or SM on our timelines at all times. Here are my 2 cents on how I try to make sense of things as they are today, and how I enable my kids.

Can Social Media be a waste of time and keep us away from other important tasks? Yes.

Can it lead to mood-shifts and disenchantment with the way things are? Yes.

Can it sometimes mean a dangerous level of over-sharing details of our lives? Yes, very much so.

Does it offer quite a few positives including getting and staying in touch with friends and family, and learning about the joys and triumphs in others' lives? Also a yes.

Does it give me a chance to share my happiness? Yes it absolutely does!

The challenge is about how to balance those scary first few questions with the latter more positive impacts that SM has had in most of our lives. I think the answer is a simple one. Self-regulation. Knowing when to indulge and when to stop. Sounds like most "vices" doesn't it? And that's how I treat it.

The world around is us constantly changing. The way in which our kids approach most things, starting with homework to communicating with friends instantly has hugely changed fro when we were their age.

Do my children have an easier time with their schoolwork, and the required research, thanks to the Internet? Yes.

Does that give me more responsibility to keep them safe in the big bad online world? Yes!! 

What is it that might work best as a strategy for kids? 

A total ban except for when I can look over their shoulder? Obviously not! This is not a realistic expectation, and I realise this even more strongly as my older one is on the verge of becoming a teenager. It needs to be a balance of regulating time spent online and using controls (and open communication with them, which is vastly underrated as far as I'm concerned) to keep them safe.

As of now, these steps have been helping with my 12 year old. My 9 year old is still not allowed his own phone or to be on SM (including WhatsApp), and surprisingly he hasn't felt the need for it as well :).

1. WhatsApp is allowed only with cousins and a close set of friends. In fact, I wonder if I've made her a bit too aware of the dangers of sharing her number indiscriminately, and she doesn't even give it to her classmates for project discussions. This means I end up doing a lot of the coordinating of seeing messages and responding (hmm maybe that's her strategy ;)).

2. All other social media outlets, and email as well, will only be allowed when she's 13 and over (which is actually what is stated according to the terms of service anyway). We are currently in discussions as to why I think we should put off FB especially until a bit later, and maybe start only with an Instagram (private) account.

3. I recognise that there will be a point beyond which I will just have to trust D (and later S), and give them a lot more privacy in her online interactions. This is why talking, talking, talking about it, until I see that some of what I'm trying to say has made an impression, is my best ongoing strategy :).

4. Not specific to social media, but regulating device time in general. This means I need to remain aware of where all the devices at home are, at all times, but so be it :P. They have got into the habit of asking permission to use devices, so that's good for as long as it lasts.

What kind of steps or strategies do you use for Social Media use by your kids? Do share in the comments :).