Counter goes back to Day 1!

I was thinking a couple of days back, as to what my triggers are for yelling and realized that on some days you just feel physically low and this puts you on edge. I usually deal with this by announcing to the kids in advance "Amma has a headache!" or "Amma wants to lie down, please play softly!", and this works most of the time as children are after all pretty considerate little people :). For the remaining 10% of the time when they just forget, a few extra breaths and pauses and I somehow make it through.

There comes a situation though when you might be on edge, for reasons not completely in your control, such as a family member falling sick or a minor emergency situation. At such a time, unfortunately my reminders or tips did not help .. or they did for about 25 mins, and I managed to lose it in the last 5. In my defense, it was not my worst level of yelling i.e. the hyperventilating type, and the kids quite took it in their stride as they realized I had a lot on my mind. But since this is exactly the kind of time when I wish to not transfer my feelings onto the kids, I decided with a sigh to reset my Orange Rhino Counter.

Day 1 starts again today, January 22nd. Do watch my counter on the right of the page contributed by fellow blogger Sirisha and cheer me on please. Incidentally it also coincides with a 30-day challenge on the Orange Rhino page so that is going to be my first goal as well. 30 days without yelling, and I'm counting on blogging to get all the tough days out of my system ;).

The Orange Rhino Challenge

I've lost count of how many times I've mentioned this topic on my blog :P.. but I have of course been no closer to my goal of actually getting into and accomplishing the challenge for even a month. So I decided it's high time I got into a public announcement of Day 1, today the 15th of January, 2014. I am also hoping to set up a counter on the blog, which will be reset every time I yell and hopefully will reach my goal of 30 sometime soon!

Yet again a post from her that struck home, especially the first few paragraphs which are so much like what I feel sometimes.
http://theorangerhino.com/one-key-to-yelling-less/
Why is it that I can control my temper in public, but feel that it's ok to lose it in private? Nail on the head, and a thought that bothers me a lot!

So in my journey to yell less, here's my first personal tip:

Tip 1: My biggest challenge is to step back in the instants before a yell builds up, and the best way I've found is to verbalize my feelings out loud. I tell my kids "I'm beginning to lose my cool" or something similar. That results in both of us stopping and thinking and 9 times out of 10 helps resolve the situation at hand :).

What's your best tip, all you non-yellers? 

The Orange Rhino Challenge

This one's been lying in my drafts for a few weeks now, so I thought it was high time it saw the light of day.

It started with this post I came across on Facebook, and also shared on my timeline to much discussion :)
https://www.facebook.com/apster.george/posts/10151481637494164?notif_t=like

Soon after that I visited the Orange Rhino page and read many more of her blog posts. I just felt a big connection to her writing, and her straightforwardness in expressing her shortcomings. I was nodding my head to so much of the stuff she said, such as this Ode to the Moms I shall never be. I also liked the fact that she set realistic goals, and encourages everyone to do the same. It's not about taking it on for a year like her, you can try a week, a month or even not count at all if that works better for you.

She had a recent 30 day challenge, not so much a no-yelling challenge as a preparation on how to start the journey. Well I read the emails, agreed to everything but somehow feel an inertia to just say "Here I am, starting off now!". Still pretty much at the introspection stage and wondering how to go about it, but here are some thoughts.

• There are degrees of yelling, and I don't consider just raising my voice as a bad thing to do. It is only the times when I feel hyperventilated, blood rushing to my head that I know it's crossed the line, at least in my eyes.
• No yelling does NOT mean no disciplining. As a generation of parents, I think we (and by that I mean many others ;)) let our kids get away with a little too much. Kids will be kids, yes, but there are absolute no-nos and basic behavioural stuff that I will not condone. In such situations, if some degree of yelling is called for (again not the type mentioned above), so be it.
• In most situations where the worst type of yelling happens, there is nearly ALWAYS a secondary reason involved - a headache, a missed deadline, a fight with the better half. So most times it is a question of stopping and thinking, now if only I can remember that an instant before the yell!
• Involving the kids can be embarrassing (Ma, but you said no yelling!) but effective I think, so that's definitely in my plan.

Can't delay the inevitable much more, so here goes. Announcing to the blogosphere and my friends and  family reading this, that tomorrow shall be Day 1. I'm sure many updates shall be coming up on "restarted" Day 1s so watch this space ;).