Dealing with Disappointment: How to Enable your Child

When you're a child, disappointments feel like the end of all hopes, a dark and gloomy day, and if you have an imaginative daughter like D, possibly also like "the cruellest cut of all" and other dramatic references.

It does happen once in a while, and the most recent was just a few days back. D had the preliminary heats for her Sports Day events and came back mightily disappointed that she didn't get selected as the teacher made her run an extra round by mistake, when she had already done the required number. The teacher was "so" unfair, life was unfair, and so on.

As a parent, my first impulse was to message the teacher :P.. yes yes as non-"tiger mom" as I usually am, I was feeling particularly protective and tigress-like in that moment. Then, I reminded myself that one of the most important things I will do as a parent is to:

1. Let them fight their own battles: Sometimes it might not even be a battle anyway. In this case, she was not too keen to be forceful about it or "fight" with the teacher, which is a sentiment I understand. I did manage to advise her though to not give up completely and go and enquire about her timing at least in a mild manner to reassure herself that the other teacher on the field also hadn't noticed her additional round.

Some other learnings along the way, for me as a parent, to understand what it is that works (hopefully!) in a situation like this:

2. Reassure your child that you believe her and understand why she is disappointed: As an adult, one of the first impulses is to ask "Are you sure?" but I'm pretty sure that this would have been the wrong thing to say at this point ;). All it needs is to put yourself in their shoes and think how you would want to be treated. In this case, she was very clear as to why she thought a mistake had been made (she sprinted throughout, many others walked part-way, and no one passed her at all until she had to repeat the round). To her credit, she even expressed some doubts later after calming down that maybe she'd made a mistake!

3. Talk about unfairness and how to handle interactions: I make sure to discuss with the kids whenever I come across a labelling of teachers for any reason - too strict, too lenient(!), not good, or as in this case - unfair. I was sure the teacher must have been busy handling multiple events, and definitely no ill will was intended towards D in particular. I told her that the teacher might have made an honest mistake, and might have been a bit sharp in responding to D while she was running as she was busy trying to keep track of everything and couldn't spend time on her in the middle of the race. Also, D is a new entrant to the school's athletics events so no one would have expected her to do well (I know this is bordering on unfairness, but I also know that it's realistic). She has started athletics classes in the last 2-3 months so has really improved and picked up a passion to prove herself in the area, but how are folks at school to know that?

4. What next? Set some goals to focus on: After she calmed down, she of course still hoped that she might have been selected for one of the athletics events. And it's good to have hope. But I also tried to prepare her for the result that she might not have been shortlisted for anything, and that's ok as she really did try her heart out which is the most important thing. We also talked about what else she can focus on - there's an event coming up at her athletics class so we agreed that that could still be a lot of fun and she can train towards proving herself there.

I started this post a few days back, and now I also know that it's definitely nowhere as easy as just following the steps. Though D calmed down that day, she did spend a fair amount of time on "Why me?"s and "So unfair!"s in the next few days. After all, she's 12. But reinforcing all the above definitely helped, and she's looking forward to the actual Sports Day event even if all she will participate in will be the marches and dances. And we will be there cheering her on :).

Malaysia - Our First Cruise Experience

The most restful part of a holiday for me is definitely the break from planning every meal ;). And what better place to do that than on a cruise.. where food is so plentiful you really need to be careful to not overeat and gain a few pounds. After wanting to try one for ages, and thanks to mom-in-law who was also keen to go on one, I finally zeroed in on one by Star Cruises to Malaysia that fit our schedules and dates. So in the 2nd week of July, to Penang and Port Klang for 4D/3N we went :).

First impressions on Day 1: Seeing the huge ship docked before we got on it was a revelation, all the photos you see in the brochure and online can't really do it justice. I realized it's pretty much a floating hotel, and this feeling persisted and was justified throughout our 4 days on board. Even finding our rooms took some time, especially on the first day as we learnt to negotiate the decks and passages, and though the rooms/cabins felt a bit small at first, we quickly realized that the view looking out at the ocean makes up for it :). I took many photos and videos trying to capture the beauty of looking out at the open seas, but will not torture you with too many of them ;)..

The cosy room

Colors of the ocean

Activities on board: There are quite a few shows and other activities that you can take part in, such as a free magic show (this was a bit more sophisticated than our usual birthday party fare ;)) and many planned activities for kids, including paid ones. We didn't make use of too many on board as we were on shore for half a day at both destinations.

Basketball court on board

First Day Explorations.. How high can we go?

Food on board: On this cruise, there were 3-4 restaurants that were free of charge i.e. inclusive in the fare. As the majority of passengers turned out to be Indian, there was no dearth of familiar cuisine, but we also tried out the european/continental fare for a couple of meals and found it of a good standard.

On the highest deck - Deck 12

Natural hair styling - on Deck 12 :)

Shore excursions: As we had only about 6-7 hours at both destinations, we decided to make use of the planned tours rather than try to negotiate the taxi system, as we wanted to make sure of getting back in time. While time management was definitely to our advantage, it did feel a bit rushed at some points. The end learning was that a cruise may not be the best way to explore a new place, it can only give you a "feel" of the city :). The rest mostly in pics below..

• Penang on Day 2: The tour covered a few points, but the most memorable was the peak of Penang Hill, that we reached by traveling on the Funicular Rail. Lovely views all around made me want to plan a longer and more relaxed trip in the future :). We also had a great tour guide, who gave us a lot of interesting info about the history of the area.

View from Penang Hill

At a Ginger garden on top of the hill

Penang night lights just before boarding the ship

• Port Klang/Kuala Lumpur on Day 3: Since the journey to KL city takes a bit more than an hour, the tour only consisted of the KL Tower (the world's 7th highest at 421m), where we headed to the top and clicked the customary view photos, followed by a mall situated at the base of the KLCC Twin Towers.

At Independence Square

My best click of the view

And of the Twin Towers as seen from KL Tower -
though it looked as though the KL Tower was higher, this is because it is
situated on a hill that adds to the height (info from our tour guide)

The Petronas Twin Towers, just before we set off back to the ship 

Day 4: Just a relaxed last half day on board, with time for a few more meals ;), and we were safely back in Singapore by 2 pm.

Note: Though we were a bit worried about sea-sickness, due to varying experiences with motion sickness for me and the kids, it turned out to not be a concern at all! I was probably the most affected, with a bit of vertigo every time I saw the open water, but it was easy to adjust to, and nobody else even mentioned the movement at all :).