A Letter To My Ten Year Old

To my dearest newly minted 10 year old S,

From a quiet and peaceful baby to a much louder "2 digit" year old, you have come a long way. I think back to when you were young, and how nearly every behaviour and milestone came as a surprise to me, even though you were my 2nd one. I didn't know until then that the same sets of genes can combine to create 2 very different individuals :).

You refused to start walking for quite a while after you turned one, and I was also pretty laid back about it as you were such a happy and healthy baby in general. And just when we were getting a wee bit worried, your doctor advised waiting until you were 1.5 to do any further tests, you decided to walk nearly exactly at 1 year and 6 months. It was almost as though you were waiting for my birthday to present me with those first steps ;).

Not walking yet, but figured out a way to explore the kitchen ;)

From the time you started talking, or probably even earlier, you figured out how to charm everyone around you. You are still considered a "quiet and calm" child, especially by your teachers, but I know that you do have a voice and quite a lot of opinions that make their presence felt, especially at home ;). When you were first starting school, I even used to worry if you could hold your own, but I soon found that you were more than capable of finding your own way. We had a party for your 10th birthday and I was so thrilled to see the wealth of friendship that you have developed in your 2+ years at school here.

May you keep conquering new heights

You have always been fond of hugs, and these also work very well as a calming mechanism for when you need to get out of trouble ;). I keep reminding you that even when you are a "big boy" and would possibly be embarrassed by my hugs, I would still continue with them. I am happy to note that as of today, nothing much has changed, and you still like to be squished up in a "chutney" hug from time to time :).

You are passionate about running, and have been showing so much commitment towards your after-school athletics class. You insist on attending it even if I sometimes feel that you might be tired after some other activity, and I am in awe of your enthusiasm and energy. Even your teachers at school have noticed your drive and started picking you for participating in events.

With an avid reader for a sibling, you didn't have a choice but to be one. I am glad though, that you are not forced into it, but instead choose it yourself as one of the activities for your free time. The library system in Singapore has been great for this, as it gives you access to such a range of books for your age group.

You also have a lot of other varied interests, from Pokemon to Beyblades to Rick Riordan, but I especially love the fact that you also like to hear about how things are made in the kitchen. I am guilty of not letting you try your hand at much yet, other than making the occasional dosai or roti, but I hope to change this soon.

Here's to you my darling boy, may you always retain your enthusiasm and curiosity and wonder. 

Lots of love,
Amma

To Push or Not to Push?

This is not a childbirth story, though the title would be appropriate for that as well ;).

As parents in current times, we are very aware about the impacts of stress on our kids, and sometimes this does mean that they get an easy out. I find it tough to decide when to push a bit and when to let go, and I say this as a very easygoing parent on the whole. I'm ok with some opportunities being lost, in trying to make sure that the kids are mentally prepared for anything they get into. On the other hand, as an adult, I know that we cannot always choose our challenges, and I would like my kids to be somewhat prepared for the realistic world they will grow up in.

While studying or practising (at exam time) is something that is a non-negotiable activity in our home, most other things are left to the kids to decide. This is especially true of "additional" exams that I have hardly ever enrolled them in, as they haven't shown much interest in that direction in spite of most of their peers doing it. I look at it as one more exam that I would have to push them for, and that usually makes my decision for me ;).

To be the wind beneath their wings :)

When there was an athletics event coming up this month, my 9 year old was very keen (he's been interested in running/athletics for a while as I mentioned earlier on this post), while my 12 year old .. not so much. I enrolled him, and tried to persuade her a bit to enrol as well, but then just let it be as I thought participating in something like this should be voluntary. They've both been going for classes/training for a few months now, so being physically prepared was not the concern here.

Forward to the day before the event, and the coach messaged me to ask if she could substitute as one of the girls of the relay team in her age category had dropped out. She was quite aghast to begin with and there might have been some tears along the way but she finally was persuaded to go, to help the team out. Or rather she might have realized that I wouldn't take no for an answer ;).

I kept feeling a bit guilty about it, and finally got teary eyed when I saw her running, but she did a really good job of it. She managed to keep up the pace well and even caught up a bit to a runner ahead of her, and the team finally won 2nd place and the silver medal. D was very happy with the silver medal and glad that she had been pushed into it, though I'm still waiting for that thank you note. I am totally taking credit for that medal of course ;).

S's team also won the bronze :)

Side-note: As someone who has been trying to get into running, but find it very challenging as I started on the journey late in life, I am thrilled that my kids have got comfortable with it at a young age :).

San Francisco with Kids: The Exploratorium

The Exploratorium is a suggestion that EVERYONE makes when telling you about places to visit with kids, and when you go in, you'll realise why. It's like a Science Museum on steroids.. one day is barely enough to see it all. If you can avoid school holiday time, you might have an easier time of it, as when it's crowded you might end up waiting around a bit for popular exhibits as we did. But there's enough to experience that you can keep moving around and come back later to the ones you missed as well. The post is more of a photo tour, as I can't really do justice and describe the variety of stuff. You can find more details of the different spaces etc. at the link given on the first line.

This is an exhibit in the Colours and Light section (which is where most of my pics are from) that showed how perception makes the difference when viewing colours. I was curious to see if it would come through in photos as well:

What colour would you say that is? White?

The one on the left is the "white" one from the previous pic!

The rightmost one is the newest now.. 

The card in 2nd position is the one we saw in the first pic - dark grey if not black.
Pretty cool, especially for the kids.

Who doesn't want to make funny and colourful shadows if you get the chance. I was also part of the fun along with trying to click it ;).

This is what we looked like on a screen that detected our infrared radiation. The one with the black i.e. VERY COLD nose is me :P. Checked after a couple of hours spent inside and it was back to normal. You could also press your hands on some cold shapes and check out your "tattoos" on the screen.

On to a small room where everything was lit in monochromatic (yellow) light. It was fascinating to see how that drains out most colour. My blue jacket was dark grey, our shoes were drab, and this lovely rainbow looked absolutely washed out. Compare to the one just outside the room just below. The room also had small torches giving out white light that the kids could shine on things to see the difference that made. A box with jellybeans, a set of crayons, a painting of a landscape, were some of the examples in the room.

Monochromatic light

A similar one in normal white light

We'd seen this type of mirror before but it's always fun to go at it again. I was not going for Leonardo's Vitruvian Man symmetry, but that's what I managed to look like ;)

This one was titled Floater Theatre where we watched a BLANK WHITE SCREEN for a few minutes with a narrative playing alongside, with the floaters in our eye showing up and giving a performance based on how we moved them. Amazing use of something I always assumed was a minor irritation but otherwise never thought about.

The kids, especially D, were fascinated with this one

My post probably covers about 3-4% of the place, as most activities were hands-on and I was only clicking the occasional one. Do check it out if you are ever in San Francsisco, I am sure the kids will find it memorable.

Signing off with a lovely if slightly garbled pic of D and S with an even more shadowy me on the side..

Looking for Balance in 2018

This is NOT a resolutions post ;). I seem to have done a few of those over the years, and find that nothing much has changed from what I wanted in the last couple of years. I've made some progress and there's still quite a way to go. But there's something about a new year that spurs one to make SOME change, so here goes.

Facebook let me know this morning that my friends have liked my post 68,000 times. Definitely a "feel-good" piece of info :).

But in fact, 2017 was a year when I consciously moved away from social media, especially FB. It was in my effort to find a balance between sharing my thoughts and wondering if it was validation-seeking. I think though, that I ended up too much in the other direction and hardly ever posted at all. It was especially around the new year when I saw a timeline filled with posts from people I know.. and it set me thinking afresh.. why don't I post anything much nowadays? Whether on social media or on the blog, I seem to have a block of sorts.

I know it started with posting less pictures of the kids online due to safety concerns.. and then considering very carefully every one of the memories before putting them down on the blog.. wondering if I'm invading their privacy in some way by doing it.. and just over-thinking in general. I have always been more of a literal/narrative writer rather than a creative one, and I was losing my main writing material :).

Patterns and perspectives.. nobody sees it just like you do

I went over some of my old posts and had to marvel at the person/writer I was then, that I could just put out my thoughts and memories so easily, and had to wonder what has changed since then. I think all bloggers start off writing with a level of ease, because at that point it's not about who might be reading and how the readers might react, but just about sharing. As social media entered the picture, I was thrilled to be able to broadcast my writing, but it also brought with it the worry of what folks might think or how they might react. I know that I have hardly ever written on controversial subjects, and this worry might sound slightly irrational, (as most of my friends have been nothing much encouraging!), but we just seem to live in a world where the simplest statements could start arguments or need proof. It left me feeling like if I posted anything at all, I needed to make sure I had the energy to stand up for it ;).

Balance and peace in other parts of life would be good too :)

I have tried my best to use social media in a controlled way, especially in the last 2-3 years, but it has definitely been a tussle about how much to share. Reading all the discussions and articles about how sanitised or airbrushed a view of our lives we put up on FB only set me thinking some more :P. But then I recognised that each person's attitude or relationship with social media is a personal thing, it's not something you can figure out from reading about other's experiences. If I'm feeling low*, seeing happy posts usually brings a smile and makes me hopeful. At other times, I'm just glad to be able to know what people are up to, without needing to actually "stay in touch" :). So in 2018, I hope to reconfigure my sharing and find that elusive balance. Starting with more blog posts ;).. so wish me luck.

*If I'm really in a super-low or black mood, I usually stay away from social media altogether.

San Francisco with Kids - Children's Creativity Museum

We've been on holiday in San Francisco, and decided that we would stick to finding places in the city to explore rather than traveling around much this time. We did the whole whirlwind tour experience in 2013 and I even later attempted an A-Z set of posts to capture it all ;).
Never actually completed the alphabet, but it was fun to write! Start reading here if you would like to check it out.

We had a lot of recommendations from friends and family on what to check out, especially with the kids, but sometimes you come across a place serendipitously - this time thanks to looking at a map (a paper one for a change ;)) and finding it marked there. It turned out that it wasn't too far from where we were so decided to give it a try and the kids had an amazing time!

The Children's Creativity Museum has something for kids of all ages, and though I was a bit concerned if D would find it too simple, both of them (12 and 9) found enough to do and had lots of fun. The ones we especially enjoyed were:

First stop: The Animation Studio. We made models out of clay, using the provided metal skeleton as a base. The first coat was with with mixed multicolour blocks (loved that they repurposed the clay for as long as possible), and the outer layer was with the colours to create the characters. Can you guess who made what from the pics?

After making the figures, the kids learnt how to make an animation video using multiple still photos of the characters, moving them a bit every time. We had a whole storyline with the princess and penguin walking along and the zombie coming out to scare them away, but managed a grand 4 second video after what seemed like a ton of clicks :)

Basic figures

And tadaah.. yes the unimaginative penguin is mine ;)
the one on the left is a Spiderman zombie ninja warrior in case you missed that.

The next stop was the Robotics Studio where the kids figured out how to write programs on the provided tablets to take the robots through a variety of tasks.. This one was to find its way out of the maze. There were also ones that drew, threw a ball into a hoop etc. The commands were simple ones, but the challenge was to find the most efficient way to complete the task. More suited for younger kids, but even my 12 year old enjoyed the novelty of it.

The kids and I had the most fun in the Music Studio where you could create your own music video :). They had a green screen background that they could use to add in one from a range of backgrounds and also provided karaoke versions for a selection of popular songs. We actually ended up going back there again later in the day to try and get more videos in ;).
Would have loved to share the videos but I have been following a policy of privacy on the kids' photos and videos, at least until they're online themselves and I have to come up with new rules ;).

There were a couple more spaces.. one based on a winter wonderland theme which had some art based activities.. but these were more catering to the younger kids so we didn't spend much time there.

Ornaments for a paper tree

I was really glad to have found this place by chance, and I hope this post helps someone who visits SF with kids in the future. All details of admission and tickets can be found here. The museum is usually closed on Mondays but was open all days for a couple of weeks thanks to the holiday season.

Important Alert for New Parents

This is something I wish I had been warned about about a decade back.. ;) so thought it might be useful for some of the new parents out there.

Scene:
S is practicing a song on the piano.. the tune is very familiar to me and I found that I was humming the end of the line before he finished playing it.. couldn't quite place it so went up to him and asked what song it was.. it was called "The more we get together.. ". Sang it with the words added in a couple of times and still couldn't figure out where I'd heard it before..

After about half a day of it being stuck in my head, I thought checking online might help as it may have been it had been used in an ad/jingle somewhere and that's why it was familiar. No such luck. Then I saw this video:

And it struck me! It was from a Barney DVD that I used to play a LOT for D when she was 1.5 or 2.. which is 10 years ago..  She was a tough kid to feed and this dvd was one of my saviours at the time.. and apparently the tune has been in my memory ever since!

So new parents - Beware! Those kiddie songs and cartoons and tunes.. are going to take up space in your head for a long time to come.. and believe me, when you're 40 and trying to remember important stuff and wondering why your brain doesn't seem to have space, this will feel like an important discovery. So maybe you could sing along a bit less with the videos now and save that precious brain bandwidth for later ;).

Dealing with Disappointment: How to Enable your Child

When you're a child, disappointments feel like the end of all hopes, a dark and gloomy day, and if you have an imaginative daughter like D, possibly also like "the cruellest cut of all" and other dramatic references.

It does happen once in a while, and the most recent was just a few days back. D had the preliminary heats for her Sports Day events and came back mightily disappointed that she didn't get selected as the teacher made her run an extra round by mistake, when she had already done the required number. The teacher was "so" unfair, life was unfair, and so on.

As a parent, my first impulse was to message the teacher :P.. yes yes as non-"tiger mom" as I usually am, I was feeling particularly protective and tigress-like in that moment. Then, I reminded myself that one of the most important things I will do as a parent is to:

1. Let them fight their own battles: Sometimes it might not even be a battle anyway. In this case, she was not too keen to be forceful about it or "fight" with the teacher, which is a sentiment I understand. I did manage to advise her though to not give up completely and go and enquire about her timing at least in a mild manner to reassure herself that the other teacher on the field also hadn't noticed her additional round.

Some other learnings along the way, for me as a parent, to understand what it is that works (hopefully!) in a situation like this:

2. Reassure your child that you believe her and understand why she is disappointed: As an adult, one of the first impulses is to ask "Are you sure?" but I'm pretty sure that this would have been the wrong thing to say at this point ;). All it needs is to put yourself in their shoes and think how you would want to be treated. In this case, she was very clear as to why she thought a mistake had been made (she sprinted throughout, many others walked part-way, and no one passed her at all until she had to repeat the round). To her credit, she even expressed some doubts later after calming down that maybe she'd made a mistake!

3. Talk about unfairness and how to handle interactions: I make sure to discuss with the kids whenever I come across a labelling of teachers for any reason - too strict, too lenient(!), not good, or as in this case - unfair. I was sure the teacher must have been busy handling multiple events, and definitely no ill will was intended towards D in particular. I told her that the teacher might have made an honest mistake, and might have been a bit sharp in responding to D while she was running as she was busy trying to keep track of everything and couldn't spend time on her in the middle of the race. Also, D is a new entrant to the school's athletics events so no one would have expected her to do well (I know this is bordering on unfairness, but I also know that it's realistic). She has started athletics classes in the last 2-3 months so has really improved and picked up a passion to prove herself in the area, but how are folks at school to know that?

4. What next? Set some goals to focus on: After she calmed down, she of course still hoped that she might have been selected for one of the athletics events. And it's good to have hope. But I also tried to prepare her for the result that she might not have been shortlisted for anything, and that's ok as she really did try her heart out which is the most important thing. We also talked about what else she can focus on - there's an event coming up at her athletics class so we agreed that that could still be a lot of fun and she can train towards proving herself there.

I started this post a few days back, and now I also know that it's definitely nowhere as easy as just following the steps. Though D calmed down that day, she did spend a fair amount of time on "Why me?"s and "So unfair!"s in the next few days. After all, she's 12. But reinforcing all the above definitely helped, and she's looking forward to the actual Sports Day event even if all she will participate in will be the marches and dances. And we will be there cheering her on :).

A Letter to My Near-Teen

My dear darling D, 

As you are on the verge of becoming a teenager, I can't help but think about

- The baby that you were, the one who cried the loudest of all the babies in the hospital, but was also the most inquisitive and active one with the loveliest smile when you quietened down. You hated the act of going to sleep, and made me hate it wholeheartedly too, but also gave me a surprise by started to sleep through the night at 7 months. Now, it's the waking up in the mornings that's the problem :).

- The little bundle that was a terror to feed, whom I sang songs to and probably even had to do a dance or two just to get a few spoonfuls into your mouth, is now a completely non-picky eater who's always interested to know what the menu is for the next meal - Not completely sure what I did right there but I'm taking the credit for it ;).

- And the young lady you are turning out to be, taking on challenges and finding some times that you might even enjoy an activity that you weren't too keen on to begin with.

You turn 12 tomorrow.. I can't quite wrap my head around it.. but then I see you in front of me and I have to believe it's happening. My cute little baby has turned into a long-legged teenager, and one with strong opinions ;). You are so different from me in some ways, yet we are also a lot alike I like to think.

- You draw, and love to create something fresh. I can copy a picture (very well, I should add with no humility whatsoever) and the occasional zentangle fascinates me, but ask me to draw a tiger or a human face, for example, and I'm stuck. You on the other hand, seem to effortlessly draw anything from a birthday card to a nature scene for a school project.

- You write.. oh can you write! With the added support of a lovely and encouraging English teacher at school last year, your creative writing has just flourished. You read like crazy, sometimes to the exclusion of things like homework.. but then so did I at your age, so I know your writing talent doesn't stem from just that ;). I am really fascinated by the ideas that come out of your mind. For a recent A-Z challenge that many bloggers took up, you decided that you wanted to give it a try, and I was amazed by the short stories you came up with. 

* Waiting for her to finish the "Z" entry, and then wondering whether I should make that blog public.

- You imagine. Ok, this is probably the part I find toughest to handle as a parent. You do or say something, sometimes impulsively, and then later think about (in great detail) the impact it might have. Or you just worry about something that might probably never happen, because "What If?". I remember similar situations when I was young, but in your case, I think the possible results are like a complete story in your head so somehow bother you more. It is sometimes tough for me to put myself in your place to try and understand, but I try my best. I tell you "Life is not made of What Ifs".. but I'm guessing this is not something that you're going to just accept because I say it, and I hope you will learn, and gently, from experience.

- You share. A LOT. With me and with your Appa.. and it surprises me when you even tell me something that you know I might not approve of. I might sometimes react angrily, but then I immediately realize that it's more important that you come to me with these things. I end every such discussion with "I'm glad you told me.".. and I hope that's the memory that stays with you.. because not having this bond, this communication, with you is just not an option.

Here's wishing you always soar high my darling..

I am super proud of you, my dear "first" baby. Stay funny, stay imaginative, stay creative, stay YOU.

With lots of love,

Amma

2017: Fitness and Focus

3 months of 2017 have already gone by, and this post has been lying in my drafts much too long. Much too late for a resolution, but no harm in aiming at April for a fresh start right ;)?

Last year was my year of #fitbyforty and it felt like I got so much closer to my goal of getting fitter. 2017.. well, not so good so far. Too many small niggles with health and a lack of motivation. Every time I have a slip-up or a gap with working out like this, I can feel the stamina getting lower and it doesn't feel good.

We saw an elderly person in a motorized wheelchair the other day, and I had the following conversation with my 8-year-old athlete:

S: Amma, would you like to use one of those when you get old (he thought it would be like a cool new toy I suppose)
Me: (slightly aghast) No darling! I hope I can be walking around all by myself even when I'm quite old.
S: Oh ok (considering this new light thrown on his simple question)

S: So when you're a 100..
Me: 100?! I don't think I want to live that long baby!
S: Of course you must!
Me: But then you'll end up spending all your time looking after me!
S: That's ok. I'll just tell my teammates that I can only run important races, and will spend the rest of my time looking after you.

Me: (Reminding him that he'll be close to 70 by then, but he is sure he'll still be "racing" around then)

I can feel that as I enter my forties, I am having to work a lot harder to retain a decent level of fitness. I know that strength training is even more important now for bone health after this age. While weight has never been a major issue, there are definitely certain fat deposits that I would like to get rid of. I KNOW all this in my head, so I need do-able workout plans for the rest of this year which will help me be consistent.

This is it. I can feel it. My turning point. My Now or Never. If I don't get my act together and make it happen now, the downslide will begin. Bad knees, joints and other aches and pains will take over. I absolutely do not want to go there, and that will have to be motivation enough.

"Focus" is something I am beginning to think of as my Word of the Year. It definitely doesn't feel like "my" word yet, but it needs to be at least by the time the year ends ;). Not just in fitness, but in so many other parts of life too.

1. For fitness, I'm going to start small. Aim at doing some form of exercise everyday - It maybe even just a 15 min walk on some days, but I need to set that schedule again and then build on it further. 
2. Daily planning with the Bullet Journal is something that I have been trying for a while, but have not been consistent with. I even tried using the nicest of planners for motivation, but then I didn't have the heart to write in it too much ;). I am beginning to feel that a weekly format will work better for me, though some details might still need to be on a daily level. I am going to restart with this in April and see where it takes me. Maybe that elusive menu planning will finally make it into my life at last ;).
3. Life just seems to get really busy with regular weekday and weekend activities and I need a reminder to take time out and explore more around Singapore, and of course as always - take more photos as well! Hoping to set a reminder and do something once a month at the very least , and ideally as a family. With school holidays coming up, there's no better time than April to start. Putting it down here is also good for accountability, so let's see how it goes.

Thanks for reading this far! If you have any fitness or planning tips for me based on your experience, do let me know in the comments.

Math: Friend or Foe?

Humour has become a big part of my parenting style, I swear it is the only reason I manage to not lose my temper about 20 times a day. I can manage to turn around most situations - with a joke or anecdote or just a quip - on D(11) and S(8) and avoid tantrums - theirs and mine ;).

When it comes to teaching especially, I have a tough time holding on to my patience but again with most subjects, we manage without too many explosions. I also made sure to inculcate self-study in both the kids, all the better to avoid teaching situations and let me stay in my calm bubble. The odd instance though, definitely comes up from time to time, and Math has lately become our nemesis. Weirdly enough, both the spouse and I used to love the subject when at school, but now D has got it into her head that "she's bad at Math" and nothing I say will get her out of that mode - especially when she's finding a particular topic tough.

The latest? Algebra! Don't kill me, but I actually find it fascinating, at least at the simple levels when I can actually teach it pretty well. But our early learning sessions went like this:

We are reading questions and trying to construct the equations -
D: 3 consecutive even numbers add up to 36. Find the numbers.
Me: Ok, can you tell me the equation for this now? What is the first number?
D: x
Me: Great, so what are the 2nd and 3rd numbers.
D: ... I think the numbers are 10 and...
Me: Why are you going to the answers? Tell me the equation first.
D: I don't know how.
Me: If the first number is x, what is the next. The point of algebra is to start from the equation, not to just guess at the numbers and try to find them!
D: I don't know.
Me: It's the next even number. Think.
D: I don't like Math.
Me: Try! You know this!
D: I'm bad at Math.

...A meltdown and 2 hours later, we finally go back to it, find the equation and the numbers.

And this is why I make weird faces when someone asks me why I didn't think of moving to teaching as a profession ;).

Plan for 2017: I am determined to get D proficient at Algebra, at least so that she can teach S in a couple of years and I don't have to go through a repeat of this.

Walking the tightrope of Parenting

It's time for one of the now-occasional parenting related posts on the blog ;). As the kids grow older, I have got more caught up in privacy concerns, and wondering if they would want so much about them online. This means that I analyze quite a bit before putting up anything in this space. D, who's now 11, has also read through many of my older posts, which made me all the more wary of writing something that might make her uncomfortable :D. Of course, in a couple of years, she might be online herself and sharing stuff, but I will have to leave that to be her decision and her learning.

Canva pic courtesy Shailaja Viswanath :)

But oh well, it seems like parenting is similar to walking on a tightrope most days. As young parents, we feel that babies are TOUGH, and it's great when they grow up and start eating/drinking/sleeping on their own, but the challenges don't end - they just change :). When I was faced with a surprise phone call from my 11 year old a few days back, it took a lot of self-control to sound calm and give her advice, though I was panicking a bit underneath. That set me thinking of all the times when we must let them do their thing, just to help them grow, though I have not always wanted to!

- When S, at 4 years, wanted to start bathing himself, simply because his sister had been doing so for a few months and he didn't want to feel left behind. Was it efficient? Definitely not! It took a few weekend scrubs to make up for the weekday self-baths, but on the whole, it was worth it! He has always tried to take to things earlier, simply because of the competition ;), and it has mostly ended up making our lives easier with less to "teach".

- When I took the decision to stop studying sessions which had me "asking questions" before every exam, to let D do her own preparation. She protested, I worried about the effects it would have, but I found that it hardly had any impact on her performance. Humbling much? For sure :P.

Sibling Beach fun!

- When they forget school items or submissions at home, and even if I know it's something important, I took the decision that I would never run to school to get it to them, but let them handle the situation on their own. It did help that both their schools have been a bit far from home so it would be a huge effort to just get there. I also hoped that not being super-organized myself, they would develop this habit on their own. It's an uphill task on many days, but I know they can definitely handle unexpected situations with just a little advice and nudge from us now and then.

- When D had a stay-back at school for one day a week, and offered to come back on her own by public transport, I was a bit concerned, but I knew that not letting her do it would set a bad precedent. We thought we'd give it a week or two and see how it goes, and surprise surprise - she's doing really well!!

When there's an unforeseen, even slightly worrisome, situation, and you feel like things are not in your control, there is always a sense of panic in a parent's mind. But I have learnt to control that feeling, and only portray a sense of calm to the kids. They know our phone numbers to call from a phone booth, and they have change on them if they need to.

A lot of credit is due to the spouse, who's been the enabler in most of these situations. I have learnt and adapted over the years, though I still sometimes have to suppress my initial impulse, and then go for the calmer alternative ;).

The Mantra for 2015 - Mindfulness

As I continued to read The Happiness Project, one of the most significant things to catch my eye was the mention of "Mindfulness". The author wrote about driving a car to a destination, and on reaching there, realizing that she had no memory of the route she took to get there. When meeting people for the first time, she didn't have a memory of most details she might have heard about them. And so on. That was my Aha moment! When I used to drive to work everyday, there were days when I would be at my workplace 8 km away with no memory of driving any part of the route. I also have an abysmal memory for names and details, and have to keep asking folks where I might know them from! Putting it down to a bad memory though didn't seem to cut it, as I could remember many other things well enough!

It struck me that this lack of mindfulness is the reason that I sometimes drop things, cut my fingers while chopping veggies, and often feel stressed when I'm doing something. That's because even for the most mundane activity, my mind is still racing on at 100 miles a second thinking of a zillion other things to be done or that I should be doing at that point of time! Do I hear a small voice saying “Get organized!” – yes yes that’s coming too but I get to choose which habit I adopt first ;). So as a small change for February, and hopefully forever after, I have picked to be mindful of whatever I am doing at that moment. I have been trying it already for the last few weeks, and it takes some doing! Especially while chopping veggies, my fingers are very thankful that I have started being more mindful ;).

Source: http://bit.ly/1ANQTaa

Parenting is a big part of my life and mindfulness is even more important where the kids are concerned. Giving them my full attention when I am with them is something I have read about in many parenting articles now, as I'm sure you have too ;). I do try very hard to do this, but some chore or deadline always looms large and it is just so easy to listen or respond with half your mind and plan or do something else at the same time. As a part of this habit, of my own Happiness Project you might say, I hereby decide that even if it is just a half hour in a day that I am spending focused time with the kids, it shall be 100% of my attention.

Note: I had heard the term "mindfulness" in the context of a type of meditation or therapy, which is a surefire indication that I might go to sleep in the middle of it. It was such a great coincidence that a friend mentioned this resource on her FB timeline, as I was in the process of writing this post. I am definitely going to check out www.headspace.com as a part of my mindfulness journey.

What are we teaching our children?

A long time goal of mine has been to be non-judgmental of other parents and parenting techniques, and I dare say I have made reasonable progress in this area. The most common example is the child throwing a tantrum in a supermarket or mall, which of course is a whole lot easier to not judge once it has happened to you ;). In many other situations, I try to ask questions in my head such as "What are the challenges the parent might be facing" rather than quickly forming a judgement. I have always maintained though, that when someone's parenting affects my child in some way, I find it tough to not question it :P.

Conversation between me and S this morning:

S: Does eating non-veg make your mouth smell bad?

Me: (A bit shocked at first but realizing there must be more to this) Not at all! As long as you rinse your mouth properly, and brush well when you're supposed to, your mouth would smell just fine. Why do you ask me though?

S: My friends at school keep telling me and A (the only other non-veggie) that our mouths would smell bad because we eat non-veg. They are all vegetarians no (in a very wise aside), that's why.

Me: Repeating the above answer with emphasis, and hoping he'll stand up for himself more strongly the next time. Also couldn't resist mentioning that a vegetarian's mouth could smell worse if he doesn't follow basic hygiene.

In my understanding, a child would not make a statement like that unless he has heard something similar from other adults or his own parents. If not the exact same words, definitely that eating non-veg is dirty etc. As someone who was born a veggie, this is a weird situation for me to be faced with because I do understand where they are coming from. It was probably because of the way the subject was treated in my household (I knew it was not traditional, but not a crime either) that I could adapt to different food choices as I grew older.

On a larger scale though, I wonder if it's not possible to bring up children to be sensitive to the choices of others, however different and unexpected they might be. Whenever I get a chance to put across something like this in a conversation with my kids, I try to ensure this. Do you?

A is for America ;) - Here we come!

After much temptation I decided to not take up an A-Z challenge that some fellow bloggers are doing in April, simply because I didn't think I could do it justice with a lot of other things going on in my head right now.

Wondering what the heading's all about considering I'm not doing the challenge ;) ? It's time for our next holiday, one full month and to the U.S of A. Since holiday planning is driving me a wee bit crazy, I thought I might as well start my own A-Z challenge revolving around the subject ;). Definitely won't reach the end of the alphabet before I leave on the 18th, but for as long as it lasts..

Here are the first steps I have been researching for what seems like weeks now, no wait - it really was weeks!!

Places to stay: There are some cities like New York where we don't know too many folks except for a few friends whom we didn't want to impose on. Other cities where there's family or really close friends that we're in touch with, I decided we'll be shameless and accept all welcoming offers ;). We are spending the first few days in Dallas with close family, so I am keeping fingers crossed that the kids will be over the jet lag issues by then.

Domestic flights: We are going to be criss-crossing the country quite a bit, so this is a big chunk of the decision making. I was taken aback to find that all those cheap fares that I saw on kayak.com while assessing the budget were not the cheapest after all, as most domestic carriers charge extra for check-in baggage (some like Spirit for carry-on baggage as well!). So after consultations with a cousin who is now based there and is the super-researching kind(You know who you are ;)), most domestic flights shall be with Southwest as they offer 2 pieces of check-in baggage for free, and give good rates as well. Cancelable flights for domestic travel - you can sorta forget about that it seems unless you want to spend a small fortune for that requirement :P.

So Step 1 is "more or less" taken care of with all hotel bookings done through expedia, and friends or families duly warned ;). Step 2 is still going on, hopefully should be done in a day or two. And then we go on to the plans of what we'll actually DO or SEE in those places! As is always the case when traveling with kids, these will have to planned with a lot of breathing space in between so as to not tire them out, though it is nice to be planning for an 8 and 6 year old rather than a 5 and 3 year old :).

Friends in the U.S. who read this, feel most free to chime in with suggestions of things to do and see :) !!!

Birthday Conversations..

S quietly turned 6 years old yesterday, and other than a cake cutting at school and chocolate distribution at Karate, we didn't do anything much at home as hubby's traveling (Well that was my excuse and I'm sticking to it ;)).

For a whole lot of questions ranging from "When are you going to sleep on your own?" to "When are you going to keep your toys neatly?" he had been answering with "When I am 6 years old!". So I asked him that morning:

Me: Hey, now that you're 6 you can't answer with "When I am 6 years old" anymore. What are you going to do? Are you finally going to agree to do all those things?

S: (With his typical twinkle) I'll just say "When I am 7 years old!".

LOL the kid just has an answer for everything!


On the older sibling front, D is now into playing something called "Spirit Animals" on the desktop. To the extent, that she has discussed the game with her friends who play it, and came back today with information on how to complete the challenge she had been stuck at!!

Parenting 101?

So today turned out to be a day of reading vastly varying parenting articles, got to know of all of them through FB of course ;).

The first one that I read with much head-nodding:
Killing off Supermom
This one resonated with me sooo much, as I completely agree with the type of parenting it talks about. Does hearing about the perfect parents who spend insane hours in a day planning and encouraging their child's development make me feel inadequate at times? It occasionally still does, but I am definitely aiming to be the antithesis of Supermom - someone who can be happy myself and also do the best I can for the kids, not be consumed in just my mommyhood.


The next was:
Stop the Lies about Parenting
This one I started out nodding along with, as I agree with the basic premise that you cannot define your identity just with being a parent, and that parenthood is not blissful all along. But somewhere along the way, I felt like there was some sort of bitterness, almost as if the author is talking about someone who got fooled into becoming a parent - expecting just the rosy stuff, and then it was too late to go back once you're in the middle of it. My indignation might have come from the fact that I took my time deciding to be a parent, until I was absolutely sure. I was never a baby person so I had to figure out if I was ready to raise my own! This meant being prepared for a complete lifestyle change, including (in my case) putting my career on the back burner. I made my peace with my decision and was super clear about it, so that might be a reason why the views in the article began to not make sense to me any more. Not to mention, I would NOT base such a major life decision on an arbitrary quote by Aishwarya Rai Bachchan ;).


And finally, a rebuttal to the above article:
(Some) truth about parenting
Back to head nodding again, to me the author came across as a chilled out mom who loves her kids but loves her own space as well. More power to her!

Hope you had fun reading them all as well :). Let me know what you think!

Kidspeak - always entertaining :)

Conversation with S this morning:

S: I love butterflies so much. I think I like butterflies most of all, they are so colourful and pretty! What do you like best Amma?
Me: (On cue!) I like you and D the mooost my darling.
S: (Recovering quickly) And I like butterflies, Appa, you, Damita....

LOL, definitely the salesman of the family ;).

Day 28: It's time for Bye Bye 2013

It's time to say goodbye already.. the year has gone by so quickly.. these are thoughts that I seem to have at the end of nearly every year now .. :). I guess it has to do with every day going by in a flash, the kids looking taller and acting older ... I felt I should write down my thoughts on how each of us has changed in the last year.. let me start with D.

For Damita, 2013 has been the year she has started becoming a young lady. She is 8 and a half at the end of the year, and has many strong views and insights, many of which I stop to wonder they came from. It's a lot of fun to play the guessing game to try to understand where she might have got some idea from or what runs through her head. Much to my delight, she has developed an interest in food, and believe me this was a big change from the fussy eater of even 2 years ago. She plays the keyboard beautifully, when she actually puts her mind to it :). In a lot of small ways, I see her personality beginning to develop. Her self-confidence has grown since she started school and now she can hold her own more easily than I remember her doing before. At this point, she loves to fight with S, disagreeing on just about everything though he also has a hand in these situations ;).

She has always been interested in reading, but this year she has turned into a voracious reader, with everything else getting ignored when there's an interesting book in hand. The irony is that I can hardly wholeheartedly tell her not to or to prioritize her other stuff, as she reminds me of what I was like at her age ;). I must admit though, that I think she's probably a bit ahead of me at the level of reading at the same age if it comes down to a comparion :P, a happy admission for a mom to make I guess.

In my hope that she should always feel like coming and telling me what's up - the good and the bad - I try my best to listen to her whether she's talking about a storyline in the Geronimo Stilton book or a fight she had with a friend at school. I personally don't think it is possible to completely be a friend to your child, but it surely has to be part of the "parent package" :).

Welcome 2014 my lovely daughter, to a lot more learning, a lot more books, and TONS of happiness in it for you.

Day 27: Bittersweet

To a reading crazy mom like me, this was the word that came to mind today.

We took a Just Books membership a little more than a year back, once I realized that buying books is no longer an option for D, as she kept going through them before my back is turned :). Since S was still not as much of a reader, this meant that I could indulge my enthusiasm once in a while and pick up the latest bestseller for myself as a part of the 4 books package that we had signed up for.

Over the last few weeks, S has developed a renewed interest in reading and I saw him devouring one book after the other at home with a sigh in the back of my mind. Why a sigh? I know the signs, and this meant that when I walked into Just Books for our next set of books, I could mostly no longer pick one for myself :P. 

As of now I pick the books, so I'm going to see if Enid Blyton retains some charm before he shifts to Just William ;).

Day 24: Can I Earn some Money?

D's school does not allow any cash transactions for their tuck shop or canteen, and as she pretty much doesn't go anywhere else without me, pocket money has not been a much raised concern at home. We also put it off for later, thinking that we would use it more to teach the concept of money than anything else.

Much to my surprise, this was our conversation yesterday:

D: Amma, I want to earn my money. Give me something to do!
Me: Huh, but why, what happened suddenly? Do you want to buy something?
D: I don't know all that Amma! Just tell me something to do!
Me: (Thinking aloud) Hmmm.. maybe you can fill a bottle of water for 5 rupees.
D: That's too much Amma! I'll do it for Rs. 2!

LOL, that's the cutest thing I ever heard. She has "earned" her first 10 bucks by now, all of which will be aggregated to finally buy a book I'm guessing. Thinking of more monetizing schemes to keep her occupied now, and here's my chance to buy a cute piggy bank as well :).