My dear darling D always seems to have a lot of stuff on her mind. Never takes her much to decide to "not like" a certain class or activity, and then everytime we are supposed to go there I have to try to get her out of the "I don't want to" mode! Sometimes of course this gets to me, and I let her talk me out of her dance classes - she doesn't like to go anywhere where I am not sitting right outside waiting for her to come out. "What if you don't reach on time when the class leaves!". So skating was fine, as I was not comfortable leaving her alone there(what with the chances of falling and getting hurt), but dance wasn't. So one day in frustration I said "Ok fine have it your way - no more dance class!".
The same thing started coming up for her Saturday Choir sessions - which I was very sure she liked very much as I am sitting right outside the room and I can see what goes on inside. Even though I was low on energy that day and very close to giving in, thanks to hubby's explaining to her, we finally got there and inside quite cheerfully. During the class, there came a time when the teacher/conductor while practising a song was calling to each child to come and sing a few lines into the mike. I started cringing thinking of D's reaction and was holding my breath when it came to her turn. To my surprize she went docilely and sang her lines quite nicely and came back to her place. I was so relieved and thrilled I literally started getting teary eyed!!
And of course I am making a BIG DEAL of it - keep telling her how brilliantly she sang and how she didn't hesitate at all and trying to build it up as much as I can in the hope that I don't have to hear any more "I don't wants!" atleast for this activity. According to her - she was scared to say no and that's why she went ;)!
When I was thinking about this post, I felt like it linked back to the now famous Ms. Chua a little bit - which set me thinking - weren't we talking about the same sort of things even befor her article/book came along :) ?
The same thing started coming up for her Saturday Choir sessions - which I was very sure she liked very much as I am sitting right outside the room and I can see what goes on inside. Even though I was low on energy that day and very close to giving in, thanks to hubby's explaining to her, we finally got there and inside quite cheerfully. During the class, there came a time when the teacher/conductor while practising a song was calling to each child to come and sing a few lines into the mike. I started cringing thinking of D's reaction and was holding my breath when it came to her turn. To my surprize she went docilely and sang her lines quite nicely and came back to her place. I was so relieved and thrilled I literally started getting teary eyed!!
And of course I am making a BIG DEAL of it - keep telling her how brilliantly she sang and how she didn't hesitate at all and trying to build it up as much as I can in the hope that I don't have to hear any more "I don't wants!" atleast for this activity. According to her - she was scared to say no and that's why she went ;)!
When I was thinking about this post, I felt like it linked back to the now famous Ms. Chua a little bit - which set me thinking - weren't we talking about the same sort of things even befor her article/book came along :) ?
Yes, defly we were talking abt the same things. It's hard to know how far to push your child in a particular direction if he/she is resisting some activity. Do you let them be, or try to teach them not to be a quitter, or take some middle approach?
ReplyDeleteYou ended is perfectly.... the Amy Chua syndrome... at this point, any time I push V a bit more.. I am like... oh I dont want to be her... its a vicious battle!
ReplyDeleteGlad she went and sang!!! Kudos... my daughter goes through similar "I dont want to" phases.... with her age its right now limited to a few things!
Now looking back, I always regret me grumbling for my music classes.That is one reason, I push Shriya.May be I push her a little initially and later she will be in a stage to make a better decision on her own....It again a question of where to draw the line.As a mom, "Where to draw the line" is a question I ask 100 times a day on various issues...
ReplyDelete@Aparna - Yes that eternal question.. Ms. Chua very smartly wrote a book on it and made money atleast ;) i'm still to read that one.
ReplyDelete@Garima - thank you :) though the I don't wants continue, once we manage to actually get her into the room she seems to enjoy it, so keeping at it!
@Sudha - thanks dear for reading as usual :).. it really is difficult for us to decide when they are old enough to decide ;).