Saturday, June 01, 2013

Blog-a-Prompt Day 6 - No!

Hmm.. I had a whole other blog post ready, about how I have to deal with "No!" on a daily basis, not only as something I say to my kids, but as something that has become S's all time favourite word. But well, I usually make an effort to not share too much negative stuff here (assuming the kids are going to read some of it at some point of time :)), so in that spirit and until I find a solution and can talk about it a bit more, here's a new take on the subject.

I had written an earlier post about how I used to find it difficult to say "No!" to someone, even if the end result was inconvenient to me. A few asked me to elaborate a bit more about it, so here goes:

In general I think this has to do with a deep discomfort with confrontation of any kind, not just a fear or hurting someone as I used to think. After a few years at work, I realized that being complacent and taking things as they come doesn't always turn out well. Those who ask for what they want are definitely treated with more respect. In a home situation, while I was protected from many such confrontations that are associated with a workspace, even dealing with maids and others working for you can be quite terrifying if you put up with everything you get, just because you don't want to cause unpleasantness. So somewhere along the way I made a decision that something had to change, and started working consciously toward it. I'm not saying I don't still get taken for a ride sometimes but at least I know I am not hesitant to walk into a shop and ask the salesperson something even if I feel the question might be "silly" :). Ok at least I don't hesitate about 80% of the time ;).

5 comments:

  1. You're right Aparna... I guess as you grow older it gets a bit easier. I even tried reading'Don't say Yes when you want to say No...:-) so desperate was I at one point to learn to say 'NO'. Didn't help much till I learnt to say it on my own. Nice post.

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    1. Thanks Tulika :).. weirdly good to know there are many of us in the same boat ;) !

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  2. Hey, my post is about the same thing. And you've got to tell me how the decision to be more assertive is going - and HOW you do it :)

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    1. Loved your perspective on this as usual Jandy!! You hit the nail on the head with so much humour attached :)

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  3. Speaking of Maids, I had this lady who I found the best among all other maids(other ones used to steal bric-a-bracs). I had a soft corner for her because of her values(she never used to gossip or bitch). But as the days went by and my priorities changed, I got busy and inspite of raising her salary, she kept on taking me for a ride. Finally I had to fire her. She still comes downstairs and work for my mother in law but it surprises me that it took me two years of time to be courageous enough to fire her. I guess sometimes our own values or empathy pull us back to say No until one day we realize what our priorities are.

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